This is my first attempt to revise these next four sentences with sensory detail to show the reader, rather than just telling them.

1.My hometown was a beautiful place to grow up.

1.Playing in my flower filled, green lawn, surrounded by friendly snails and buzzing bees was always my favorite sight to see as a child.

2. Laci had a rather eccentric style.

2. At the party, Laci was seen with a feathered top, sequined skirt and bow tie shoes.

3. Mr. Brown is the worst teacher I have ever had.

3. History was always my least favorite subject, but with Mr. Brown’s grading system and horrible teaching skills, history was much more complicated to everyone in the class.

4. The room seemed very institutional.

4. Four white walls, colorless ceiling, and hardwood floors definitely didn’t make this room too inviting.